


Tumbledown

by badwolfkaily



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Dare i say slow burn, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Soft Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Soulmates, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25781560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfkaily/pseuds/badwolfkaily
Summary: Villanelle almost dies, loses her memory, Eve takes care of her. Villanelle falls in love with her all over again.
Relationships: Eve Polastri & Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova, Villaneve - Relationship
Comments: 27
Kudos: 179





	1. Chapter 1

_We were strange in love, her and I. Too wild to last, too rare to break. ~Atticus_

  
  
  
  


There was so much pain, it erupted from her abdomen and splintered out like cracking ice. She clutched at it like maybe that could stop the pain, but it just made it worse, but you’re supposed to put pressure on the wound right? She was so cold and wet, she’s not sure how she made it this far having been shot off that bridge into the water below. 

She didn’t have time for this, Eve was waiting for her, she had to get home to Eve.

_Home._

She had no idea where she was, laying on the bank of somewhere. But she was so tired and her hand grew heavy, falling to rest at her side as she stared up into the stars. She didn’t have to fight The Twelve anymore, she was free.

She had to get back to Eve.

_My Eve._

How long had she been there? What day was it? Who was she?

She pictured Eve’s face, “ _Villanelle, look at the mess you’ve made. There’s blood everywhere_ ,” Eve’s voice echoed to her as if she was there.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Villanelle weakly said to no one.

_“You better clean it up.”_

“I will. I’m just so tired...so...let me rest my eyes,” Villanelle pleaded, her eyes getting heavier.

“ _It’s okay, darling, you can rest now_ ,” Eve said with the sweetest smile.

Villanelle smiled back, “I love...you.”

She wasn’t so cold anymore and she barely felt the pain but she did feel the darkness coming on. She didn’t want to go alone in the darkness, she wanted the light, she wanted Eve.

Villanelle always thought that if she was to be reincarnated maybe she’d be reborn with a second chance, surrounded by love, carefree, happy, and normal.

She had been born to meet Eve, she just knew it, she’d seen the red string for as long as she could remember. Leading her to the only true love she’s ever known, even if it was a bit messed up. It’d been a rocky start but they’d found their way to each other eventually, well Villanelle found her way first, it took Eve a little longer but she got there too and Villanelle was happily waiting.

She wished she’d be reborn to love Eve and to be loved by Eve again. How would she recognize her again? Her soul would recognize Eve’s in any lifetime, she was her soulmate.

She’d definitely find her again. She hadn’t even had the chance to make her Mustache's shepherds pie yet. She wanted to dance with her again. Make her laugh. Never make her cry again. Buy her clothes. Wake up next to her. Come home to someone. Watch movies with her. Love her.

  
  
  


_Please, I want to live!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Villanelle wakes up.

_ “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, _

_ You make me happy when skies are gray, _

_ You'll never know dear, how much I love you, _

_ Please don't take my sunshine away.” _

  
  


Eve wasn’t expecting the phone call she got that afternoon, it was from Carolyn actually. Villanelle, whom they had given a different name to cover up her identity, had been found washed up on a riverbank. Bleeding, hypothermic, and near death. An elderly woman walking her dog at sunrise spotted her and called it in. 

She hadn’t seen Villanelle since they looked back at each other on that bridge and Eve told her to find her when she was ready. This wasn’t exactly what she had in mind to be honest.

So Eve made her way into the hospital waiting room and was met with Carolyn, “What happened? How is she? And why were you called over me about this?”

“Must I remind you, Eve, that I’m the only reason she isn’t in jail right now? I’ve been keeping tabs on her just as much as you but in a highly different way,” Carolyn led the way towards Villanelle’s room, “I called you because I know how, sensitive, your relationship is with her and I thought I’d run it by you instead of the alternative.”

Eve looked at her worried, “What are you talking about, what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong Eve, is your girl has amnesia. She was found near death and once they got her stabilized she woke up with no recollection of who she was. And before you say anything, the thought that she could be acting did cross my mind. She did have to be sedated after a panic attack came on and she almost hurt herself.”

They stood looking through the window of her room, the unconscious blonde sound asleep, looking so innocent and fragile.

“Do we know what happened to her?”

“I’m sure it has something to do with the Twelve, they must’ve not liked her wanting to retire,” Carolyn looked at her hesitantly, “I offered her a job with us, Eve. Although I told her if she couldn’t kill for us then she wasn’t of much use. But she insisted she was of use to us even if she couldn’t kill. So I’m asking you, Eve, do you want to deal with this mess? Otherwise she’ll end up in a psychiatric ward and most likely go missing in the system. And---”

“I’ll do it,” Eve gave her a look of finality.

“Good, because I’ve already signed everything over to you, I leave her in your capable hands,” Carolyn nodded and took her leave.

Eve didn’t realize she’d be there for quite so long, the doctors wanted to make sure Villanelle’s fever went down and that she was completely out of the woods. She awoke from nightmares screaming and Eve couldn’t do anything for her. She just watched helplessly as the nurses helped calm her and give her sedatives. 

_ What happened to you, Vil? _

Eve lost track of how long she had been there, only jumping home to change and grab something to eat. She sat in the chair next to Villanelle’s bed, nursing a hot cup of coffee and humming “You are my Sunshine” to the sleeping blonde.

It wasn’t long before Villanelle awoke, thankfully not from a nightmare, not screaming. Her sleepy eyes just looked at Eve who hadn’t noticed her awake as she was looking out the hospital window from her chair.

Villanelle tried to sit up but winced, pulling Eve from her thoughts, her humming stopping.

“Oh, you’re awake, good. How do you feel? Do you want some water? What’s the last thing you remember?”

Villanelle just looked at her confused, “Who are you? Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, London. I’m Eve, Eve Park. You know me or well you did, you’ve got amnesia. Don’t worry, you’re safe. Here I’ll go get the doctor,” Eve couldn’t stop herself from talking a mile a minute which just confused the blonde even more.

Villanelle was given the full run down of the extent of her condition but given the okay to go home with Eve as long as she took it easy. Villanelle was still so confused, she had no idea who she was or why she ended up in the hospital or why this Eve woman was taking her home and not her family. Did she even have a family?

Antibiotics and painkillers in hand Eve wheeled Villanelle to the waiting taxi, “I’m sorry the clothes I brought aren’t really your style but it was all I had. You usually like much more fancier clothes.”

Villanelle looked down at the plain shirt and sweatpants Eve had helped her into earlier, nonjudgmental and with care. Even though Villanelle didn’t know who she was, she felt comfortable with her, felt safe, and she had really nice hair.

Eve helped her into the taxi, getting in on the other side she gave the driver her address.

“When we get home I’ll answer any questions you have, okay? I know this is a lot to take in right now.”

Villanelle just nodded and went back to looking out the window.

As soon as they got to Eve’s house Villanelle was panting from the exertion it took getting from the car to the front door.

Eve held onto her, an arm wrapped gently around her, “I’m sorry, I forgot how far it was.”

One hand around Villanelle, the other struggling to get her keys to unlock the front door, which she wondered why she even bothered, Villanelle is proof that anyone could just break into her house. Well, in a way it was their house, Villanelle bought it for her before she left on some sort of mission of hers.

Villanelle insisted that if she wasn’t to come back she at least wanted Eve to have a proper place to live. Not some sketchy apartment complex and Eve tried to refuse but nothing ever came from refusing Villanelle what she wanted.

As soon as they were in Eve helped Villanelle to the kitchen table and sat her down, “Are you hungry?”

“I….I don’t know,” there came Villanelle’s Russian accent.

“That’s alright, I’ll make dinner and if you’re hungry you can eat and if not you can try later, okay?”

Villanelle just nodded and sat quietly as she watched Eve take her coat off and started digging through her fridge. Eve placed a glass of water in front of her with her painkillers while she threw together their dinner. Humming that same little tune from earlier that seemed to comfort Villanelle as she moved around the kitchen. Villanelle was hypnotized by this woman she barely knew yet felt some sort of deep connection to. She knows she knew her, she just can’t remember it.

After throwing some dinner together she sits across from the fragile blonde, “So do you have any questions?”

“So many. But, what’s my name? I get the feeling that the name the doctor used wasn’t really my name,” Villanelle looked at her with curious eyes.

“Well, I’ll be honest with you, your real name is Oksana Astankova but you go by the name Villanelle.”

“Villanelle?”

Villanelle tested the name on her lips and nodded slightly at it.

“Do you have a preference for which one you’d like me to use?”

“I...I guess either is fine.”

Eve wasn’t sure how much she should divulge to Villanelle about who she really was, could this version of her handle that bombshell? She’d tell her eventually, she just needed to give her some time to adjust to everything.

“How about after this I run you a shower, hmm? You’ve been in the hospital for almost a week, I’m sure you’d like to wash that all off of you.”

Villanelle just nodded, “Okay.”

Normally Eve would be blushing if she was in a situation like this with Villanelle, normally but this was a whole different situation. This was and wasn’t Villanelle, she wasn’t trying to kill her or seduce her. Eve was gentle, washed her hair with the expensive shampoo that Villanelle used before she left. Occasionally Eve would use it because she missed her smell.

She gently washed her body avoiding her injuries as much as she could and after she’d wrap her in a towel and put fresh dressing on her wounds, giving Villanelle another glass of water and her antibiotics.

Eve gave her another pair of sweatpants and a teddy bear t-shirt that Villanelle had left there and if Eve occasionally slept with it she’d never tell her that.

“Are you comfortable sharing a bed? Or I mean we do have a guest room….”

“I-I’m fine sharing, I feel comfortable with you Eve….Eve how did we meet? How come you’re taking care of me and not my family? Do I have family?”

“We met through work and as far as I know you do have two brothers but you aren’t particularly close with them. And knowing you, you’d rather they didn’t see you like this,” Eve led her to their bedroom.

“What is our relationship exactly Eve? I feel something with you but I can’t put my finger on it, I get the feeling it's more than friendly.”

Eve cleared her throat, “It’s a little complicated, I guess you could say we have an intimate relationship, but you have nothing to worry about. I want to take care of you and hopefully your memories will come back and if not that’s okay too. I don’t want you to feel awkward or uncomfortable. And if anything gets too overwhelming for you, just let me know okay?”

Villanelle nodded, “Okay, thank you Eve, for taking care of me,” Villanelle took the left side of the bed and Eve just smiled.

At least she subconsciously remembered which side of the bed she likes to lay on. They lay there in the dark staring at the ceiling, the sound of rain hitting the window echoing through the room.

“Eve?”

“Yeah?”

“This may be a bit weird but can you...can you stroke my hair? I just have this vague feeling that I like that and I can’t really fall asleep.”

Eve could just imagine her puppy dog eyes right now, of course, Villanelle would ask her this every once in a while. Although they’d become so accustomed to Eve holding Villanelle and stroking her hair that Villanelle rarely had to ask it of her.

“Sure,” Eve moved over to hold Villanelle in her arms weary of her injuries and she lightly stroked her hair, “Is this okay?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Not long after Villanelle fell asleep but Eve continued to hold her in her arms. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do about the assassin part of who Villanelle was, maybe this was Villanelle’s chance at a fresh start. Until her memories returned, if they returned. Did she really have the right to hide that part of who she was from her? She did love Villanelle and accepted all of who she was. Would it scare this Villanelle away to know the truth?

Eve held her close and fell asleep, tomorrow she’d tell her all about her darkness. Their darkness. 

But for now she just wanted to hold her, knowing she was safe and alive and here with her instead of out there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve and Villanelle have breakfast, Eve tries to tell her the truth about who she is.

Villanelle dreamt of a dull and lifeless land, so ugly and barren as if no life could ever thrive there.

There was a little boy who was quiet and hit things, a sad man who wept and drank, and a blonde woman with viscous dark eyes that only made you hurt.

There was a little girl, she hit things, she wept, her eyes were viscous, and she was alone.

Always alone.

Eve felt Villanelle stir in her sleep and cry out, “mama,” slipping from her trembling lips.

The brunette wondered what dreams plagued her, would Villanelle even remember her mother. Would she forget this all in the morning or would she awake to having regained her memories?

Eve held her close and whispered words of comfort in the blonde's ear until she settled and Eve fell right back to sleep beside her.

In the morning Eve awoke before Villanelle and stared at her peaceful face, if only they could stay like this a little longer. But Eve knew she was going to have to tell Villanelle the truth, it wasn’t right to keep it from her.

_ I hope she’ll be able to forgive me. _

Eve gently removed herself from the blonde's arms and decided to prepare her a big breakfast. Despite popular belief, she was not bad at cooking. She wasn’t sure exactly what Villanelle would be in the mood for so she made a little bit of everything.

Villanelle woke to the smell of bacon and to the sound of Eve moving around in the kitchen. She quickly forgot the bad dreams that had plagued her, although she remembers an older woman in those dreams. She might’ve been her mother, she wasn’t sure, she couldn’t remember.

Seems like forgetting was something she was good at these days. She clutched at her stitches as she tried to gather herself up out of the bed, releasing a pained breath as she stood.

She slowly but steadily followed the scent of bacon into the kitchen and saw Eve humming happily to herself as she finished up with something on the stove. She was beautiful to Villanelle and it made her blush to think that.

Eve turned at the sound of Villanelle gasping behind her holding her stomach, “Oh, gosh, Villanelle. I’m sorry, I completely forgot, here sit.”

Villanelle fell into the chair at the table with Eve’s help, her gentle hands feeling familiar on her skin. Familiar like she knew them intimately and again she blushed at the thought.

“Your face is red, do you still have a fever?”

Eve placed a hand to her forehead for a minute before pulling away and rushing to turn off the stove before she burnt the bacon.

“I might still have a little fever, I could really use a painkiller though,” Villanelle winced once more at the pain.

“Let’s get something in your stomach first and then I’ll get you your antibiotics and painkillers. I wasn’t really sure what you’d like so I made a little of everything, don’t feel like you have to eat it all. With a fever you might only be able to keep down a little.”

Eve placed a plate of food in front of Villanelle, then ran to get her a cup of orange juice along with her medication and set them next to her plate.

Villanelle looked at the plate for a minute and then back at Eve and back at the plate.

“You don’t need me to feed you do you?”

Eve joked as she sat down across from her.

“No, I just, I have this overwhelming feeling of. I don’t know, like this is the first time someone has made me a meal with such care,” Villanelle picked up her fork and dove right in.

Eve watched her for a minute and then focused on her own food, “Did you sleep okay? It seemed like you were having a bad dream,” Eve looked up only to see Villanelle crying, “Oh, my god, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Is the food that bad?”

“I’m sorry, Eve, I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I just had an overwhelming urge to cry. Your food is really good, it's familiar. Like how a warm blanket reminds you of safety.”

It took a minute for Villanelle to get herself under control, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry for being so emotional like this. I didn’t mean to ruin breakfast.”

“Not at all, you’re going through a lot right now. You’re trying to process things.”

Villanelle took a bite of her toast and sighed, even her toast tasted good. Eve’s cooking tasted so familiar to Villanelle, like there was a happy memory in there somewhere but she couldn’t remember it. But her body was trying to remind her of how she felt.

“You asked about my dreams, I don’t really remember, I just remember an older lady. She might’ve been my mom, I got that feeling from her. But I don’t remember anything else. I’m sorry.”

Eve laughed, “You apologize too much. I’ll tell you right now, the old you rarely ever apologized, at least not so sincerely.”

Villanelle ducked her head, “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you’re far too polite.”

They sat and ate some more and then Villanelle felt full enough to take her medication.

“Eve, will you tell me more about myself?”

Eve told her how much she liked fancy things, wore the most elaborate clothes, how chic she was. How much of an asshole she could be and how selfish. But also how funny she could be and how smart she was. 

Villanelle yawned at one point and Eve stopped talking, “Am I boring you? Normally hearing someone talk about you is the highlight of your day,” Eve stood and collected their plates and put them in the sink.

“I’m sor--” she stopped as Eve gave her a look, “I’m just sleepy, but I love how you talk about me. You talk about me with such...”

“Annoyance?”

Villanelle laughed, “I was going to say, intimacy and affection.”

“No, that’s definitely my annoyance. Come on let's get you to bed again.”

“No, Eve, I practically just woke u---” she yawned again.

Eve helped her from the chair and wrapped an arm around her gently, Villanelle clutching onto her shirt like a little child.

“You’re still healing and your fever hasn’t completely gone away. You almost died for gosh sake. You need to let me take care of you.”

Villanelle sluggishly smirked at her, “Well, if you insist.”

Eve got her put back into bed and set some water by her bedside, “If you need anything just holler. I won’t be that far away, I’ve got some reports to write up. When you wake up maybe we can watch a movie, you like when we do that.”

As Eve went to leave Villanelle called out after her, “Eve?”

“Hmm?”

“You said that, you said our relationship was complicated?”

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Were...were we in love?”

Eve smiled sadly, “We were.”

Villanelle fell asleep to the tender thoughts of what it could be like loving Eve. Meanwhile, Eve was loving her even then, with memories or without. And the reminder of how she’d have to explain Villanelle’s darker side to her sooner rather than later gave her a nauseous feeling.

_ When she wakes up, I’ll tell her. I have to. _


End file.
